Jenna and Mindless

A Straight Answer

So tonight I came home early and I realized why I never do that. It is because my family is clinically insane. They really truly are and if you don’t believe me, come over sometime…you might as well be at Bellevue because that is my family. This is what I went through tonight when I came home.

They are not used to me coming home before 11:00 so they all made a big stink at the fact that I was home early. This stemmed to “she must be mad at Jay, she’s home early.” Can someone explain what the hell that means?

Then I take a look at my mail and it has been opened. So I simply ask, “Who the hell opened my mail, again?” (This has happened many times). My dad stated that he thought it was from the place that we got my student loan from. Yes, because AETNA Healthcare gives out student loans. Do you all follow me here…there wasn’t anything interesting in my mail, just an insurance card. It’s the principle of the fact though. It is my mail, not theirs. After taking my vitamin and deciding to go upstairs to do laundry, this is when the real fun began!

I see my sister and dad in the laundry room and I simply assume that they are doing laundry…why the hell else would they be in there? I also put two and two together because my dad was taking clothes out of the washer and putting them in the dryer. Then I saw my sister take a dripping wet shirt and I thought she put it in the washer. I think I made a pretty safe assumption, don’t you? So when I ask if they are doing a load of wash I was expecting the answer to be ‘yes’. But I must be an idiot because this is the conversation that followed…

“I am putting the clothes in the dryer,” said my dad.
“But are you guys doing a load of wash?” I asked.
“He’s drying clothes,” said my brat of a sister.
“But I just saw you put a shirt in the washer,” I said with some confusion.
“No you didn’t” she replied with an attitude.

This is where I am beginning to get frustrated because I asked a very simple question and expected a yes or no answer and instead I had a conversation. I really can’t stand when this happens. Shouldn’t I have gotten a simple yes or no, or am I going crazy?

“Liz, I just saw you put a shirt in the washer!” I said in frustration.
“You saw me put the shirt on the washer, not in the washer,” the little bitch replied (don’t get me wrong, I love my sister). This is where I think to myself ‘why the hell would you do that? The shirt was soaked and you are going to let it sit there and get all mildewy, that is pretty gross.’
“So you weren’t going to do laundry?” I asked in shear confusion.
“If you need to laundry you can put it in with this shirt,” my sister replied back.
“So you were going to do laundry.”
“I was putting the shirt on the side of the washer.”
“YES OR NO! IT’S A SIMPLE FUCKING QUESTION!”
“Are you grumpy or what” my sister stated.
“NO!!!!!!! I just wanted a straight answer; instead I am listening to this nonsense. Were you or weren’t you going to do a load of wash? By this time my face is starting to turn red.
“Jenna, you can do wash if you want.” This is when I fell to the ground in exasperation wondering if I was in the Twilight Zone or not. I was going in a circle, there was no way out except to kill myself or wake up from what I was wishing was a dream. And by this time my mom had woken up, walked down the hall to give me a dirty look to ask what my problem was and zombie walk back to bed.
“What the fuck is wrong with you people!?!” I asked. I was so flustered it wasn’t funny anymore.
“What did you just say to me?” the brat replied.
“I just want a straight answer!” I said in a half temper-tantrum manner.
“Jenna, we said you can do a load of wash if you want,” replied my dad.
“That still has not answered my question.”
“What was the question?” this was really starting to tug on my last nerve. Sort of like those little kids tugging on their dad or moms sleeve because they want a toy that badly.
“Was anyone going to do a load of wash?” By this time I was gathering my laundry up anyway because I didn’t care anymore about the whole situation, I only wanted clean clothes.
“You are being a pain in the butt,” my sister said.
“You are all a bunch of fucking loons!” I replied back and that was the end of that conversation. Oh, but it isn’t over yet!!!!!

As I go to put my clothes in the washer I ask if the shirt that my sister put on the side of the washer was soaking in bleach (because I didn’t want to ruin my clothes).
“What does it matter?” my sister asked
“I don’t want to ruin my clothes,” I say…again not a straight answer.
“It was soaking in BIZ.” What the fuck is BIZ!!!?!!!
“And that would be?” I questioned.
“Stain Remover.” Aha! A straight answer! I was less than satisfied seeing as I wanted to beat my family with a stick at this point.

Then I did a load of wash. Now, all of that for one little question, a simple yes or no answer became a waste of my time. You see, my family is insane. HELP!